Mitt Romney Joins “The Apprentice” as a Judge to Fire People

Romney Giving Thumbs Up After Firing a Person

“Fire Everyone” Mitt Romney's leading 'super PAC' group today announced a new campaign strategy. The group made arrangements with NBC and Donald Trump to make Romney a judge for the upcoming “The Apprentice” season. With this plan Romney gets to do something he really likes, to fire people.

According to NBC, Donald Trump agreed to share the center stage in firing duties with Romney without any complaints. “Because of the busy campaign season we are going to change the format a bit. Instead of Mitt coming to Trump Tower all the time to fire contestant, we made arrangements to Mitt in the campaign trail to do the firings,” added The Apprentice creator Mark Burnett.

“By meeting Mitt at various campaign spots, we can make Mitt's life a bit more comfortable. We want to do everything to keep Mitt happy,” Burnett said to justify his decision to change format.

Romney with prior experience in firing people expects his role in The Apprentice to be a piece of cake. He thanked the NBC, Donald Trump and contestants for agreeing to change the format to suit his needs.

NBC meanwhile denied charges they are promoting Republican policies because of SOPA. Romney campaign also denied charges they support SOPA privately.

Mark Burnett said “There is nothing political here. Just ratings.”

“My nephew Obama is very fond of hiring new staff all the time. He today hired his third Chief-of-Staff. Why is he not in the show?” asked Obama's Kenyan step-aunt, showing-off  her broad knowledge of American politics.

Democrats too criticized the NBC decision, Harry Reid claims this is a shameless advertisement to Romney and a kick in the gut to unemployed middle-class of this country.

Romney however promised to buy the show if it fails to bring good ratings. He then plans to make a special “The Mormon Apprentice” series, and then plans to sell it for a good profit. His son explained they need a lot more money than originally budgeted to build the new house.

Merduchs News attempts to find Mitt Romney for comments were unsuccessful. His wife however, threatened to get the reporter fired if he doesn’t leave their premises right away.

Pope Benedict Attacks Apple and Samsung Over Patent Wars

Pope Benedict Minutes Before Attacking Apple and Samsung

Pope Benedict has attacked Apple and Samsung over what he labeled as “Disrespect to Prince of Peace” during the traditional Christmas Eve mass at St. Peter's Basilica in Rome.

He urged Apple and Samsung to “Look beyond current patents to discover if HP or Xerox have any new ideas in Palo Alto area.”

Vatican press official talking exclusively to Merduchs News said, the pontiff will re-iterate this point when he delivers his annual Urbi et Orbi (To the city and the world) speech in few hours.

In his homily pope urged Tim Cook to focus on the story of Jobs copying the idea of mouse from Xerox and how he improved it beyond recognition. He also added “This would help Apple find true joy, happiness and closure in patent wars.”

He also lamented the enduring presence of mediocre companies like Dell, BlackBerry and Asus in the tech world, and prayed these companies would find their true calling after this Christmas's sales numbers are released.

Even if he physically more frail now, his message was firm to Apple and Samsung, “Get your patent crap together.”

In Bethlehem, Latin Patriarch of Jerusalem followed Pope's message and urged “The return of calm and reconciliation to the Tech World in post-Jobs era.”

Patriarch added “O, Child of Bethlehem in this new year, we place in your hands these troubled patent and, above all our tablets and smart phones full of apps, who are frustrated by the patent wars, and in search of a better patent system.”

Reacting to Pope's homily, Catholics applauded the Pope for his fair and balanced view of the tech world. HP, Sony and Fusion Garage accused him being partial to rich and famous. Fusion Garage even threatened to open 'Fake Apple Stores' in all over Singapore.

Apple and Samsung refused to comment on Pope's attack. But, Apple later issued an unofficial brief statement “See thru the superficial glitter of this season and to discover behind it in the child in the stable in Bethlehem.”