Thursday, June 30, 2011

Piggy breaks up with Kermit-this time for real


Piggy and Kermit love story is kaput, according to Miss. Piggy’s publicist Mr. O. Mayer. On her way to the gym Miss. Piggy politely refused to answer questions from paparazzi.  

Rumors flying around Hollywood say reason for the break-up is jealousy. Piggy suspects Kermit is having an affair with Oscar winner, Natalie Portman. Kermit going kosher a few months back confirmed Miss. Pigathia Lee’s suspicions. Kosher is something Kermit never discussed with her during their thirty plus year relationship. Kermit picking up ballet instead of Pilates was the final nail in the coffin.

A disheveled Kermit was seen out and about town yesterday with good friend Geico Gekko.  Kermit’s camp said they are considering suing Perez Hilton for reporting the break-up, before Kermit's agent officially made the announcement. Kermit’s uneasy relationship with Perez started, when, as a new blogger, Perez in an effort to get more traffic to his blog, posted Kermit is gay. Rumor started after Kermit sung the song “The Rainbow Connection”.

This is not the first time the couple broke-off because of unsubstantiated affairs. Kermit was rumored to have had affairs with Debbie Harry, Kylie Minogue and the late Princess Diana. Miss. Pigathia’s rumored boyfriends include Kevin Bacon, portly Danny DeVito and "Zacky" Efron.

As overheard by a nosy customer at the Whole Foods market, a chat between Kermit’s housekeeper and his neighbor’s housekeeper next to the organic meat section, Kermit threatened to send Miss. Piggy to the Polish Deli, this time for real.

Pigheaded biggest diva in the world, Hamburg, IA born Miss. Pigathia, refused to share Kermit’s love handles with anyone during their decades if not centuries long relationship. Kermit for his part never acknowledged their relationship as exclusive, which crushed Miss. Piggy’s heart in to million little pieces many times.

On her way home from the gym, Miss. Piggy stopped briefly to talk to paparazzi and thanked her fans for their support and kind thoughts at this difficult time.

Advice from Hollywood to the couple is not hold on to the past too tight and don’t go too Hollywood on this.