Friday, July 22, 2011

Microsoft Fires Entire Marketing And Research Team Over “Fake Apple Stores”


Bill Gates early this morning fired the entire Marketing and Research team of Microsoft and closed the department. Statement from Microsoft said among other unprintable things “A fucking no name American blogger in Kunming, China can write an entire blog fucking post about the existence of “Fake Apple Stores” and did some research too. High maintenance assholes geniuses here, we pay millions to keep, can’t come up with an original fucking idea like that”.

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer added “We are officially not admitting to any jealousy about “Fake Apple Stores”. If you think customers love Apple so much, they go and open fucking “Fake Apple Stores”, that is all cuckoo talk. We investigated about this yesterday. We have reason to believe fucking Apple might have paid someone in China to open shitty Fake Apple Stores. Why can’t Microsoft fans open Fake Microsoft Stores? Less fuck said the better”  

Xining Lin Pin, Senior Regional Marketing Manager – South East Asia, after getting fired today said “It is going to be really difficult for me now. I am 56 yr old. No wong (he means “one”) going to hire me when I tell I work for Microsoft”. Mr. Pin grew increasingly rattled as he spoke and abruptly ended the conversation.

Daisy Rosario, an Office Assistant at the New York office who also got fired said “Corporate greed has no limit. I didn’t get paid for Marketing or Research. My job is to make coffee, not opening some fake fucking store. My boss came up to me in the kitchen, stood next to the microwave and said “You are fired” like he is some fucking Trump on TV. I am left with no money to pay for my new fucking iPad-Black 16 GB”

Marketing and Research call center supervisor Luxminarayana Puttupathi in Bangalore, India had this to say “All Microsoft had to do was ask us about opening Fake Microsoft Stores. We would have done a good job, opening few stores in places like Vadodara, Ludhiana and Varanasi”. He ended saying “It doesn’t matter anymore. We are hammered, clobbered, thumped and now bashed”.      

Apple had no comments to make on shutdown of Marketing and Research Department at Microsoft. Apple’s Public Relations Representative said “We have no control over what our loyal customers do in good faith including opening of Fake Apple Stores. We also like to mention it is none of Microsoft’s fucking business anyway”.