Saturday, July 30, 2011

Treasury in Talks with Apple to Borrow Short Term Emergency Funds – Microsoft Very Upset

We are forced to talk about Apple and Microsoft. This week. Again. I know. It was announced today Apple has so much cash, they are embarrassed by it. The US Treasury has no cash, they are embarrassed by it. Microsoft has no Apple cash, they are embarrassed by it. If budget talks fail to increase debt ceiling, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner has plans to borrow some cash from Apple.

What is Apple plan on buying for seventy six billion dollars, anyway? The Universe!  Perhaps, a black hole.  Pssst…  Microsoft!   

Apparently, Timothy wants to borrow from Apple, an unnamed treasury official said “He is tired of begging China for money. China is treating us the same crappy way; we treat third world countries when they borrow from us. Inexplicably, China doesn’t remember we are not a banana republic. Yet”

Timothy as a capitalist thought it is unacceptable and unwise to allow Apple keep so much cash without government supervision. Later an out of sort Timothy was seen asking strangers he rode the elevator with “Do you think I made the right decision by not taking Apple’s money before?” Everybody shook their heads in a synchronized side to side to motion, even though they never practiced together to say “NO”.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs agreed to temporarily part with some cash, under strict conditions to be named, after the baseball trade deadline. Treasury expects the same Draconian laws that accompany “iEverythings’” we buy, to come with the loan. Don’t we all occasionally get this lovely feeling, we don’t actually own this damn thing we paid in full. I do.

Geithner’s unnamed teenage daughter has a better grasp of the state of Apple affairs. She thinks Jobs should run the country. He is better than her father and Uncle Barry combined. According to her school project “In-depth analysis of managing a company”, Jobs is in the ninety-ninth percentile of every category in “ridiculously competent managers’ analysis”. She said “Jobs is an amazing control freak. To watch him berates an engineer over a tiny screw or a button on the touch screen key board, makes you feel so inadequate, even to hold his mock-neck”.

The United States of Microsoft is still light years away from finding their “Big Bang”. Situation this week is as gloomy as it was last week. If you unintentionally lived under a rock, please allow me to give you a quick update. Last week Bill Gates fired the entire Marketing and Research team over “Fake Apple Stores”. I hope the CFO and the Finance Team have a better ending than the Marketing and Research Team.