President Barak Obama cut short his Martha’s Vineyard golfing vacation and returned to the White House. Choleric about having to return early, Obama nevertheless said to FEMA Director, Craig Fugate “Fugatie, you are doing a heck of a job”.
Director Fugate informed the President about the emergency plans ready in place “We have generic saltines, bio toilet paper and Kirkland Port-a-Potty Lid with 6-gallon bucket ready. We are ready for any type of summer major weather events. FEMA is ready to surf into action as soon as we receive requests to be rescued. With all the useful scare tactics in place, we don’t expect any actual rescue requests”.
Fugate further explained “Mr. President, those useless sons of bitches, news broadcasters cannot be trusted with giving people the best real time information. So we are going with journalists stuck in Libya as our primary source of information during the course of Irene and related emergencies”.