|Johnny Damon in his Red Sox Days|
A visually depressed Johnny Damon spoke to reporters on the steps of the visiting dug house at Texas Rangers Ballpark. He is trying to come to terms with having to go to a yet another new team, if he helps Rays win the World Series.
Johnny just don't get it why teams just throw him out like yesterday's jam. “I am just paralyzed with anxiety about winning the World Series again. This thought makes me piss on bed. Why are they treating me like shit after, all I've done for them?” an emotionally disturbed Johnny asked reporters.
Following a meeting with Rays Johnny's agent declared during a hastily arranged press meeting “Johnny is not an idiot like he was with the Red Sox. He is not even a half an idiot like he was with the Yankees. Johnny is a proven champion to celebrate. We hope Rays will be kind to Johnny and treat him like a son after he wins the World Series for them.”
Tampa Bay GM tried to play down Johnny's anxiety. “Johnny is one of my favorite players. In fact, he is my favorite player, ever,” he said. “We have to do what is best for Johnny after he wins the World Series for us,” he added. Unconfirmed sources from Tampa Bay revealed that Johnny is really worried, a team like Mets or Pirates will try to sign him this time.
Phillies and Red Sox confirmed they have absolutely no use for Johnny and will not be pursuing him. Even, LA Dodgers are thinking of rehiring Milton Bradley than having to deal with a depressed Johnny.
Brian Cashman hinted, if his extra-marital news refuse to go away, he might use Johnny as a way to distract tabloids and Perez Hilton. Other than that Yankees have no interest in a Johnny with anxiety issues.